The decision to attend sex counseling is a big one, a bold one, and congratulations for stepping up to the plate, admitting that there are issues, and being committed to trying to fix them. It’s a very mature way to deal with sexual issues within a relationship and I commend you for giving it a spin!
Sex counseling is its own branch of therapy, separate from relationship counseling. Generally, relationship counseling is about trying to overcome relationship breakdowns or issues to stay together, whereas if your relationship is great but your sex life is not, then that’s where a sex counselor is the one that you need.
People go to sex counselors by themselves, or as a couple – either is fine. Some therapists specialize more in doing one on one sessions, or others usually only see couples. Like any other therapist, you might not “click” with the first one that you try out. If you don’t think it’s going to work with one person, don’t be disheartened – it may just be a personalities mismatch. Instead, seek out someone else and give it another crack again,
Now, sex counseling might seem a little daunting at first, like a bit of a black box, an unknown. Rest assured that sex counseling is a professional field, with trained counselors ready to help to the best of their abilities.
Sex counseling is quite like regular counseling if you’ve ever been to see a counselor or a psychologist – or even if you’ve just seen them on TV (although psychologists on TV aren’t quite the same as in real life).
Counselors and psychologists are trained to help talk through your issues, come to understand what’s happening and perhaps underlying causes, lead you towards psychological and behavioral breakthroughs, and give you tools to apply in real life, once you exit beyond the confines of their office.
Sex counseling will only be as effective as what you put into as well as take away from it. Make sure that you take note of what is discussed in each session and apply the takeaways in your life. You will not be “cured” within a single session – unless perhaps your issue is erectile dysfunction and your sex therapist points you in the direction of Viagra! People generally need multiple sessions to help the lessons learned stick, and to advance further in their sex lives. Make sure that you realize this before you walk into your first session, or you might wind up feeling like it wasn’t effective enough when you leave. These things take time. You owe it to you and your partner’s pleasure to give it the time it needs!
Unlike regular therapists, a sex counselor will give you exercises to do at home or during the day that revolve more around sex and intimacy. These may be a combination of activities to do solo, as well as activities that you can do with your partner. Make sure that you go through them, even if they do feel a little forced or silly. It’s worth giving everything a shot for the sake of your sex life!
Everyone deserves a full and rich, satisfying sex life, and if you feel that you’re not getting that, then it might be time to pay a sex counselor a visit to see what help they can offer. You can try heading to your doctor for a referral to a good sex therapist or conduct some of your own research online before deciding on who to see. Some services may be partly covered under your private health insurance, so if this is of interest to you make sure that you inquire about it before you go in for your appointment, as well as make sure to check with your insurance policy.
There’s nothing to be ashamed of if your sex life isn’t going the way you know it should be going, or if you are having ongoing issues. The only thing to be ashamed of is not getting help! Let a professional help talk you through your issues, and provide feedback and tools to help you do better overall. You owe it to yourself to be living the best life possible, so this is another way in which you can seek it out.
Don’t let problems bubble over. Address issues when they pop up and make sure that you’re giving yourself (and your partner) the best shot at having a healthy and satisfying sex life. You may also need to see your doctor in combination with seeing a sex counselor if you need to take any prescription medicine to help you along a bit. Your sex therapist will be able to indicate if this is necessary if you would rather visit them first than chat to your doctor about it – it’s really up to you.
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